the worst male ever (sadie__g) wrote,
the worst male ever


i saw the clone wars movie.

since ive been so out of the media loop since february, i knew hardly anything going into the movie. i did, however, hear before hand that the obnoxious sounding little teenager girl was going to be anakin's padawan. needless to say, i was already calling what-the-fuckery on the movie before going in. but i love the clone wars cartoons, so i was willing to give it a proper shot.

the first thing that happened was your traditional 'a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...', then you get your big "STAR WARS: CLONE WARS", but no opening scrawl. my buddy xander was upset at first, but it actually made me happy. because that showed that they were not even trying to be a regular star wars movie. which makes things more forgivable.

they start off with a narrator talking about the clone wars--it was like an old wartime newsreel, it was kind of cool--where you see plo koon, kit fisto, aayla secura, general grievous, etc etc, generally all the cool people that the nerds are looking to see in this movie.

well wave goodbye, cause thats the last of them you're gonna see. because apparently the only battles in the clone wars that mean shit involved anakin and obi-wan. yeah okay whatever.

the plot is super lame and will offend anyone with the slightest knowledge of the star wars universe beyond the movies. jabba's son is kidnapped and he asks the jedi for help.



blah blah blah long story short, anakin and his padawan chick have to save jabba's son 'cause dooku kidnapped him and was going to convince jabba that the jedi did. or some such shit. i dont know i tuned a decent amount of that out, silently screaming 'THIS SAID CLONE WARS MOTHER FUCKER WHERE ARE MY CLONE WARS?'

because that is what i went in wanting out of this movie. that is why i loved the cartoons, and the republic commando and battlefront ii videogames. i'm an original trilogy kid all the way but i fucking love the clone army for some reason.

and there were some pretty neato mosquito action scenes. rex, anakin's personal clone lieutenant or whatever (basically what cody was to obi-wan in episode iii) was hella bad ass sir.

the animation was beautiful. not because it was life like--far from, obviously--and not because it looked so much like the original actors--everyone except anakin and maybe mace windu were pretty close though--but because on the big screen, you get to see amazing details. its really noticeable on dooku, looking at his beard. they look like had painted stop-action figures. the texture and color detail is so pretty they seriously look hand-painted.

as much as i hate to say it, and i do, trust me, i do, the anakin-padawan thing didn't make me too angry. the constant nicknames of 'sky guy' and 'snips' made me want to reach into the screen and beat both of them stupid. and anakin's idea of teaching was more likely 'stand back and watch while i take care of everything'. should have been.

um, let me think. you know whats kind of funny? obi-wan talks about how he hates flying, but he does it a lot and is good at it.

my biggest problems with the movie could have been solved with four words: less story, more action.

also, i bought myself pokemon diamond.

because i am a homosexual

today i got to use 'my pokeemanz, let me show you them' in context

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